Bucket List

Yo, it’s been almost a year since I’ve posted something on here… to be honest there were a bunch of times when I thought about it, and knew it would probably make me feel better, but something always stopped me and I just never got around to it. It’s weird to read my old posts and see what I was thinking back then, I think that’s the coolest thing about ‘journaling’. It helps you to remember what you were feeling at a certain time in a way that you probably wouldn’t be able to off the top of your head. Ugh, I really should be doing this more often.

But anyways here I am! Recently I’ve been thinking about my goals, and the experiences that I would like to have. So what better way to put it all together than with a bucket list? There will be more added but here we go.

Bucket List:

– Visit Greece.

– Live in a big city.

– Visit Tibet.

– Revisit the Scottish Highlands.

– Maintain a healthy physique.

21 People On What They Would Tell Their 19-Year-Old Selves

Thought Catalog

Jonathan, 55

There is no such thing as “the only one”. You will meet lots of “the ones”. Only commit when the timing is right for the both of you – that can take years for some, and that’s okay.

Miranda, 24

Drop pre-med.

Isaac, 48

Deodorant does not count as a shower, and that haircut only looked good on Bon Jovi.

Anya, 42

Make the conscious decision to be happy, and then stick with it. Society will do everything in its power to convince you that your personal happiness is dependent on something external – beauty, success, wealth, etc. – it isn’t.

Parker, 55

60% of the things you think are important now won’t matter a whit to you by the time you reach 50. The trick is to figure out the important 40% and work it.

Megan, 34

He doesn’t love you, and you will be okay.

Peter…

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Quote

“I’m the nicest…

“I’m the nicest rude person you’ll ever meet, I don’t give a fuck about anything but at the same time I care about a lot, I hate people but I develop crushes easily, I hate myself but at the same time I’m completely fabulous.”

This is incredibly accurate. 

Things that make me feel better

Hey there! I know it’s been such a long time since I’ve written a post… I sort of went through a phase where I thought I could just handle everything in my head. I am no longer in that stage and I think I need to start writing things down again! Firstly, Happy New Year! I had a great vacation with my family in Hawaii, it was much needed – both the heat and the love! I had a rough night on New Years though.. it was conflict that I don’t think will ever be resolved in my lifetime –  good ol’ personality clashes. I don’t really want to talk about it though, it is something that I think I have accepted and I’m just focusing on moving forward. My first week back at res has been fab though, I loved seeing my friends and I’ve made a few new ones too who I am pretty sure are going to have a huge impact on my life. Although, I’ve found myself easily loosing track of what’s really important and floating back to old thoughts and bad habits that NEED to be eliminated from my life. I thought it would be good to take a second and write down all the things that bring me joy and love, and the things that have shown to be mood inflaters rather than mood killers. Also, don’t you just love that urge to write down a whole bunch of things at once because you don’t want to forget any of it? Me right now!

1. Finding new music – I don’t know what it is, but exploring and downloading new music makes me so happy and content, even though I’ll probably overplay it very soon.

2. Telling people how I really feel – Those moments where you take the opportunity that is dangling in front of you to say “hey, can I ask you about something?” and then realising those little nuggets of stress or wisdom into the world to be free.

3. Having that person reciprocate those feelings – Very few things are better than really connecting with somebody and having somebody truly understand and agree, a huge wave of calmness and relief just rushes comes me.

4. Working out – It is really true what they say, exercising brings you a high like no other! By making my body stronger I feel like it somehow makes my mind stronger, and definitely gives me more confidence. Although you may not feel like it, get up and go and you will thank  yourself.

5. Wearing cute things – It’s true! Wearing a cute outfit or dressing up a little bit really makes me feel like a superstar. The feelings of awesomeness from this wonderful decision is amplified from #4, working out. When you get up there and work your booty, you are more likely to want to show off that booty in cute things! Fact!

6. Being productive – Doing things, making dates with friends, organising plans, all of these things bring me immense fulfilment and happiness. When I do something rather than watching an episode of Greys. I feel better. Not to say that watching TV makes me feel bad, but when I’ve gone out and done something it feels more like a reward, and I enjoy it more and feel good about having my ‘me’ time.

7. Being needed – This one is a little bit different from all the others, because it’s more something that I can’t really control and not an activity – it depends on the actions of others. I don’t particularily enjoy when people are being needy, but i love being needed. Want me to come to the gym with you? For sure. Need me to pick something up for you? Yup (most of the time)! Need me to quiz you for your test? Absolutely! I love when my friends ask me to do something with them or for them, I love feeling active in their lives and that they’d choose me to do something with them. I know I’m not everyones first choice, but I just feel so happy when people ask me for once!

That’s all I can think of off of the top of my head, but I love so many things that I’m sure I’ll share with you sooner or later. As easy as it is to say “fuck what anyone thinks” and “I give no shits” when it comes to things (and it is a lot easier said than done), I think it’s better to just focus on all the positive things you have going for you and to not resort to not caring. Give shits, just give shits for the right things. Get out there and let stuff happen to you. That’s all I have for tonight; goodnight lovelies!

Stability

What I’m looking for in my life right now is stability. I want to wake up and know that I have people I can count on, things to look forward to and places that I have to be. It could be very possible that this is just the insecure teenage girl coming out in me, but I feel like as soon as things are great, they change. Like that stupid old saying, what goes up must come down… kinda.  I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve wished I could go back to a certain moment, a time when everything was good and I was content. Let me let you in on a little secret, everything looks good when you’re looking at it from far away. If I was to really look back, I would realise that I probably had the same levels of anxiety and discomfort that I do now. Where I am may seem so much worse, but I just have to keep reminding myself that it does get better, because it does. What I get so sad about is the fact that I feel like I’m not stable, I’m not reliable and that’s all I want to be, reliable. I want to be that girl that people can count on to cheer them up, someone who passes no unnecessary judgement and one who they can always count on. I often feel as though I’m loosing people, I may be holding on too tightly or not holding on enough… I can’t seem to strike a balance. While I hate to be that girl who openly seeks acceptance in others, thats what I seem to end up doing. There was this one day back in October where I just woke up and something clicked. It was the best day I had had since university started, I went to all my classes, felt confident and felt like everything I said had so much meaning. Every word I spoke was carefully chosen and I wasn’t nervous, I was myself and felt amazing. How confusing huh? Somehow I need to find my way back to that; tomorrow I’m starting my workout regime again, and sticking to it. No more flaky-ass shit!

A Beginning

So here I am, watching an episode of Greys Anatomy and playing a game of Candy Crush on a Thursday night. College life, hmm? I’ve been wanting to make this blog for a long time now, but for some reason I kept putting it off. If I had a dollar for every time something happened and the first thing I thought of was writing it down, typing it out so I could understand it better, I would be richer than Izzie Stevens after she got that cheque (Greys reference). My grammar and sentence structure may not be perfect, but who gives a hoot and a half! Here I hope to scribble down my hopes, dreams, thoughts and share with you my failures, opinions and current state of mind. University life is scary, and so is being a so called ‘adult’. People are rude, people are kind, and people are scary. Thank you for joining me on this so called journey  – I hope you enjoy it 🙂